new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
