I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
