We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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