Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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