i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
