The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
