dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
