who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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