Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
