You really coming over, don't trick.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
