I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
