We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
