turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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