i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
