The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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