She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
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