Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
