My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
