He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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