How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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