i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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