did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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