i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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