and you said cock pushups were impossible
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize