Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
