I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
