i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize