I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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