I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
