it wasn't lemon gatorade
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
