You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
