hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
