You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
