My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Every concussion has its silver lining
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
