god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
