who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize
