Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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