sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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