I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Barsexuality is the new black.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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