She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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