she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
