Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
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