i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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