Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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