my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
