Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
