If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
