the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
