"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Im part way to drunk.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Randomize
