do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
