did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize