We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
then he tried to convert me to islam
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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