In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
