Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
