i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
