I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
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