Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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