The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
