I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
