i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
