i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Randomize
