6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
