YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
