I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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