I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
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