When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
