There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
